I have been in quite a few situations in the last month where I needed to be silent and listen. I enjoy listening while I also get to give my own input. However, I am talking about the kind where you SHUT the mouth and really pay attention only to what they are saying. Putting aside your goals, intents, to do list etc...
I have a dear family member whom I love who is lonely and needs to be listened too. At first, when I was hearing stories two and three times, I began to feel a sortof frustration and wanting to yeah yeah the story up. However, through many different avenues the Lord guided me to calm down and enjoy the ride. I mean, just listen. You know, even when stories are the same there is usually one thing different. Or, even if it is the same story you can still take joy in it thinking of that person in that time.
I was invited to lunch at a Crumpet Tea Room with my Mom and her buddies. I ended up going to the wrong one so I was pretty late getting there. They had all finished eating and my food was waiting on me so I started to eat. Right off the cuff they wanted my opinion on some marriage things. The conversation later turned into parents with grown children. They were talking about trying to help their kids but how that seems to make the kids mad. We ended up sharing some about how my Mom handled this. She'll admit that in the beginning she didn't handle it right. She suggested, encouraged, expected etc while I heard in my mind not good enough, criticism, failure. It goes along with a quote from a devotion she studied that really stayed with me. "Unsolicited advice is criticism". Whoa. Now, I know with young children it is a little different but we are talking adults. Anyhoo, chatting with those ladies and hearing my Mom say that the very Best lesson she finally learned was to "Keep your mouth Shut!" It kindof hit me that I need to be practicing this lesson now on insignificant things like the color of my kids shorts not matching or the way They fold the napkins. Some things are important but the most important thing is them knowing God's love through me!
Anyhow, back to case in point. Art of listening. Listening to friends, family, God. I believe it is an aquired art! As I heard it said to me "Love, Is, Something, That, Everyone, Needs = LISTEN.
5 comments:
I have trouble with that, listening to the same stories over and over. Of course I would never tell the person that, that could lead to confrontation. ;) My biggest struggle is making my brain shut up so that I can truly Listen. I have a tendency to constantly be analyzing something, so making my thoughts stop so I can hear someone else share thiers is definitely a difficult thing for me.
I am so easily distracted that listening has become difficult for me. I get very distracted when hubby is talking and kids are talking and life is continuing to go on around me. It irritates hubby that I get so distracted, but it's hard to ignore the kids. I so want him to wait until we are alone and the house is quiet, but that's so rare! Anyway, this is a tough one.
Oh my. Thank you for writing this. I needed it. Just reading the sentence that unsolicited advice is criticism. Ouch. I'm shutting my mouth now.
My best, best friend and I had a system with one another. If we held up two fingers that meant this story was a do over. Sometimes we'd get into 3, 4 and up. It was one of those friendships where you could finish each other's sentences and read their mind. Thanks for the thoughts.
Listening. It seems so easy, but it is so HARD. I need to keep working on this art. Thank you for your post.
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