I am in a season of re-education. God is showing me how He wants me at His feet listening and learning and not finding my security in the world's system for education. It is not an easy road but yet it is one that has been in the back of my head for several years.
I have been re-reading some books by Marilyn Howshall and this time I was really ready to hear. The biggest thing I gleaned through her writings as well as my time with the Lord is that I must learn to listen and follow Him whether anyone else agrees or not. He does not ask me to do what I shouldn't or what would be detrimental for my kids. In fact, He actually knows what is Best.
It sounds so silly but it is so profound if I can embrace it. I asked Him to show me my schedule for the year and He refused. I asked and begged for it but He shared with me that it would become my god. That I would be frustrated and stressed if I didn't reach that schedule and I would feel failure. I would miss the point of listening and trusting Him daily and in turn teaching my kids to do the same.
Wow. This is such a trusting process. Now He has allowed me to get some ideas for routines but being sure that I understand the routine may change anytime He deems it and some interuptions will be His leading.
Dying to self is not easy, but necessary and in the end....freedom.
Friday, August 08, 2008
Monday, July 14, 2008
Rebellion/Re-education
Well, this past week I had some interactions with family and I can't believe how quickly I can be like a 2 year old. I do NOT, as a full fledged adult, want to be TOLD what to do! I would rather resist than lovingly embrace a bossy instruction.
I am wrestling with letting go of my rights but also not letting others get away with their selfishness. However, if I was not being selfish myself, their selfishness probably wouldn't bother me so much! L
The Lord has been dealing with me on my little tudes and how they also affect my family and get planted in them as well. My kids are watching and learning and ick, this is not the way I want them to be.
I have been re-reading some of my articles from Marilyn Howshall. Can I just say that I am truly hit to the heart.
I realize that I act in the flesh way to much including my parenting.
She does such a good job of sweetly saying things that just hit hard...in a good way.
I hate that I react in my flesh with my kids and I don't like knowing that it is producing the same in them when I do that.
However, I am excited and encouraged to enter into a phase of God squeezing and working in my life to flush out that big fleshy side. He is so gracious to be patient and continue to teach me!
I am wrestling with letting go of my rights but also not letting others get away with their selfishness. However, if I was not being selfish myself, their selfishness probably wouldn't bother me so much! L
The Lord has been dealing with me on my little tudes and how they also affect my family and get planted in them as well. My kids are watching and learning and ick, this is not the way I want them to be.
I have been re-reading some of my articles from Marilyn Howshall. Can I just say that I am truly hit to the heart.
I realize that I act in the flesh way to much including my parenting.
She does such a good job of sweetly saying things that just hit hard...in a good way.
I hate that I react in my flesh with my kids and I don't like knowing that it is producing the same in them when I do that.
However, I am excited and encouraged to enter into a phase of God squeezing and working in my life to flush out that big fleshy side. He is so gracious to be patient and continue to teach me!
Friday, July 04, 2008
Eyes open for the pictures!
Have you ever had a friend that can't keep her eyes open for a picture to save her life?
I do. :)
Here I am with said friend...R.
We'll just call her squinty for short.
Her hubby has the same problem.
God bless em.
Notice the one where she is trying hard to keep them open in the scary eye picture. LOL, she is so much fun and always has me laughing. If you have friends with the shut eye problem give us some ideas for a fix.
Happy 4th! Injury
We enjoyed a great week with my sister and her kiddos only I didn't get ANY pics to show of it! That is awful. However, we had fun reading at library, eating out bagels at Panera, swimming, creating at home...journals, talking, playing etc! We so loved having them but it went to fast.
Last night we had a wonderful time with our Marshall family and friends! Marme & Papaw, Susan & Kendyal and kids, Friends K,R & H, and us. :)
Funny story we'll remember: Okay so last night we eat burgers, hot dogs and such (many desserts) and begin to head to fireworks display.
Well.....it was a whole hour late and we had arrived 30mins. early. There was a storm brewing so it was lightning before and during the fireworks.
The kids were playing and goofing and we had some sparklers. One of the head of the sparklers fell off and landed on my toe. I felt a shart burning sensation, screamed and jumped and sure enough there was literally fire on the ground! My toe and flip flop were scorched a bit. However, Marme had some ice so I was able to put it on quickly. Injury from sparkler....who'd a thought? L
It is fine though.
THEN, we were chanting for fireworks and just about to give up with off they went. We all cheered so loud! They were GORGEOUS!!!
Drip
Cheers for more beautiful fireworks
Drip
Swoosh--Bottom fell out and we all RUN with stuff to the cars pretty much drenched.
It is one of those times we know we will talk about forever.
We promptly rushed 2 inches in the truck and slowly inched our way out of the area (3 miles) in 45minutes.
I think we will ask the neighbors how good the view was from our street and if it was good, we may make our memories here in our yard. Or just bring our table, drinks and tent for next year.
Well, here's hoping to a great 4th for you!!
Saturday, June 28, 2008
Friday, June 27, 2008
Anniversary
To my precious hubby of 16 years!
You are the one who loved me from the beginning
You can make me smile by just giving me a look
One of the things I love about our relationship is
Our enjoyment of each other, great trust and lots of laughter
You make me laugh so hard my side hurts, I cry or have to make a run. :)
You have always encouraged me to be who I want to be
You do not hold me back from exploring things I love
You have always let me soar
You cherish friends I cherish
You encourage my time with them
and have always allowed my closeness with family to continue
You see my many faults and continue to love me through them all
You are not jealous or mean spirited
But rather a wonderful gentle strength
You have always been a leader to me and to our family
Whether we agreed or not you helped us move forward
I have always admired your ability to go where you felt led
Regardless of the results or what anyone said
You want to be where the Lord would lead
When we argue we both want to resolve
You I am angry you know how to soften with with a smile
You've done acts of service from the beginning
At first it was not so appreciated by me
but as the years progress Your gifts of love I see
When we shared our first birth I saw you look at me with such love
Your eyes watered as we rejoiced in our first child
and in the labor you were by precious rock
you told me what a good job I'd done
Then when blessed with our second child
You told me at first sight how beautiful she was
You have been a hands on Dad from the beginning
We work as a team and God has given us so many dreams
I have enjoyed our walk together
Through the highs and through the lows
We are comitted to each other and we both know
I knew from our first date that you were a galiant knight
And God has blessed me with the one that was right
We have so much to look forward to in years to come
And I look forward to sharing it with my chosen one.
I love you so much and am happy to say "Happy 16th Anniversary!"
You are the one who loved me from the beginning
You can make me smile by just giving me a look
One of the things I love about our relationship is
Our enjoyment of each other, great trust and lots of laughter
You make me laugh so hard my side hurts, I cry or have to make a run. :)
You have always encouraged me to be who I want to be
You do not hold me back from exploring things I love
You have always let me soar
You cherish friends I cherish
You encourage my time with them
and have always allowed my closeness with family to continue
You see my many faults and continue to love me through them all
You are not jealous or mean spirited
But rather a wonderful gentle strength
You have always been a leader to me and to our family
Whether we agreed or not you helped us move forward
I have always admired your ability to go where you felt led
Regardless of the results or what anyone said
You want to be where the Lord would lead
When we argue we both want to resolve
You I am angry you know how to soften with with a smile
You've done acts of service from the beginning
At first it was not so appreciated by me
but as the years progress Your gifts of love I see
When we shared our first birth I saw you look at me with such love
Your eyes watered as we rejoiced in our first child
and in the labor you were by precious rock
you told me what a good job I'd done
Then when blessed with our second child
You told me at first sight how beautiful she was
You have been a hands on Dad from the beginning
We work as a team and God has given us so many dreams
I have enjoyed our walk together
Through the highs and through the lows
We are comitted to each other and we both know
I knew from our first date that you were a galiant knight
And God has blessed me with the one that was right
We have so much to look forward to in years to come
And I look forward to sharing it with my chosen one.
I love you so much and am happy to say "Happy 16th Anniversary!"
Thursday, June 26, 2008
Last night of VBS
Well, it was our last night of VBS! It was fun but I was glad to see the end. It is amazing how just having something every night can affect your week.
My kids are both spending the night with a family tomorrow night. This is a HUGE step for me. I am so not okay with this usually but God has been growing me in trust in Him and they seem pretty excited. It is actually our anniversary tomorrow. I can't believe it has been 16 years!
Well, it is late so that is all for now.
My kids are both spending the night with a family tomorrow night. This is a HUGE step for me. I am so not okay with this usually but God has been growing me in trust in Him and they seem pretty excited. It is actually our anniversary tomorrow. I can't believe it has been 16 years!
Well, it is late so that is all for now.
Sunday, June 22, 2008
Inappropriate Laughter!
you feel it creeping up inside
it is the wrong time
totally inappropriate
can't help it, feel the tickle
lips curling, gonna loose it
yep, I've done it. My son knows I have this tendency and just the other day he tripped and almost fell.
Watching his long legs and arm flailing through the air did it for me. He quickly turned and looked right at me. He had seen the squint in my eyes, the creasing in my lips and he knew...
Then it came, that big loud laughter. I apologized as I did it.
I'm...so....sorry....know..it's.. not funny.
It was contagious, he couldn't keep frowning at me as I belly laughed his misfortune.
Pretty soon we were both bellowing and I was so glad he was understanding of my inappropriate laughter.
Other times it has not been so easy.
You know you shouldn't but can't contain it.
My friends and I were at the hotel and needed help connecting a dvd.
The guy that came kept talking to himself. I mean it wasn't a whisper, he was having some full on conversations with himself.
I finally started to quickly shake. My friends saw me and were trying not to get tickled and mouthed at me to STOP.
I tried, I really did. They wouldn't look at me but could feel me shaking with laughter and again it was contagious. Bad bad
My husband, who was a full time vocational minister for many years also knew my short coming.
One time in service, I was close to the back and he was sitting at the Lord's supper table. I couldn't see him very well and another man was talking. My husband slowly etched his head over to the side to see me.
All I could see was his little pin head moving to see me through all the little other heads.
It totally cracked me up.
A time when I should have been fully reflecting and meditating and I almost snorted.
I shut my eyes so quickly as to think that if I could sqeeze them tight enough, my lips would continue to stay sealed.
You know you can relate! I am sure (in an insecure, hopeful way) that I am not the only inappropriate laugher.
Can anything be done?! :)
it is the wrong time
totally inappropriate
can't help it, feel the tickle
lips curling, gonna loose it
yep, I've done it. My son knows I have this tendency and just the other day he tripped and almost fell.
Watching his long legs and arm flailing through the air did it for me. He quickly turned and looked right at me. He had seen the squint in my eyes, the creasing in my lips and he knew...
Then it came, that big loud laughter. I apologized as I did it.
I'm...so....sorry....know..it's.. not funny.
It was contagious, he couldn't keep frowning at me as I belly laughed his misfortune.
Pretty soon we were both bellowing and I was so glad he was understanding of my inappropriate laughter.
Other times it has not been so easy.
You know you shouldn't but can't contain it.
My friends and I were at the hotel and needed help connecting a dvd.
The guy that came kept talking to himself. I mean it wasn't a whisper, he was having some full on conversations with himself.
I finally started to quickly shake. My friends saw me and were trying not to get tickled and mouthed at me to STOP.
I tried, I really did. They wouldn't look at me but could feel me shaking with laughter and again it was contagious. Bad bad
My husband, who was a full time vocational minister for many years also knew my short coming.
One time in service, I was close to the back and he was sitting at the Lord's supper table. I couldn't see him very well and another man was talking. My husband slowly etched his head over to the side to see me.
All I could see was his little pin head moving to see me through all the little other heads.
It totally cracked me up.
A time when I should have been fully reflecting and meditating and I almost snorted.
I shut my eyes so quickly as to think that if I could sqeeze them tight enough, my lips would continue to stay sealed.
You know you can relate! I am sure (in an insecure, hopeful way) that I am not the only inappropriate laugher.
Can anything be done?! :)
Back from a long break from blogging
Well, my kids had a very busy year at their school. They learned so much and I probably learned more. It was a lot of driving back and forth on those days and we are looking to homeschool again in the fall. WHOO HOOO!!
I really enjoyed my job working with children in the church but I was able to let that go as well and come back to the homefront and can I say WHOO HOO!! I LOVE LOVE being back home with my family. I can actually think again about meal prep,cleaning out home etc. I can plan. It has been heaven. Not to mention that I just spent the last month and a half after quitting getting to go to 3 family graduations, help with wedding preparations (so fun, my brother and fiance), celebrate b-days, get to spend time taking care of Memaw, getting with family, getting to visit sister!! (sooo nice, we used to get to do it all the time but have so missed that time with her!)
So, now I am back home and a little more settled but it has just been so wonderful to have the freedom to do all of those things. Tonight was the start of VBS for our church that I was children's leader for. I hadn't seen so many of the people since I had left. I cannot tell you the great pleasure when I walked out and the kids all began running to me for hugs and say "Miss C! Miss C!! It was priceless!!
I was just suppose to be helping out with registration but it turned out to be very confusing, not ready and you know, how the first night usually goes but worse. I felt ownership because I had picked this VBS but I was no longer in charge of it. However, each time you go through stuff you learn for the next year and that is what our director did. The decor. was amazing and once we finally got everyone where they needed to go it was wonderful. I felt like people were genuinely happy to see me and seemed to have really missed me. That is always a good feeling.
Oh! I also got to have a sleepover at a hotel with 3 of my other close friends. We have been planning it for 5 years. lol Actually, that is when we first started talking about it but you know, time, business and all. It was HEAVENLY!! Getting away and talking for hours on end, sharing our hearts and also just being goofy. We got to eat out, plan school, talk about sooo much with everyone, paint, soak in hot tub! Glorious! I got a full 24 hours off. Not to mention that my dear hubby was at home on Sat. with the kids cleaning out the garage. It just doesn't get better than that! :)
After I got home another friend called and was free and wanted me to go with her. I hadn't had much sleep but my hubby thought I should go since I hadn't seen her in a while. Is that not the sweetest? After I just got back and he was encouraging me to go again? He and the kids were into the star wars trilogy so I was good to go.
It was so fun catching up with her as well.
I tell ya, I definitely have some sweet friends on here that live in Texas that I would love to meet and catch up with some day And some in Ks!
Hope you guys have a refreshing week as I had over the weekend. I can't believe how much that encouraged and energized me!
I really enjoyed my job working with children in the church but I was able to let that go as well and come back to the homefront and can I say WHOO HOO!! I LOVE LOVE being back home with my family. I can actually think again about meal prep,cleaning out home etc. I can plan. It has been heaven. Not to mention that I just spent the last month and a half after quitting getting to go to 3 family graduations, help with wedding preparations (so fun, my brother and fiance), celebrate b-days, get to spend time taking care of Memaw, getting with family, getting to visit sister!! (sooo nice, we used to get to do it all the time but have so missed that time with her!)
So, now I am back home and a little more settled but it has just been so wonderful to have the freedom to do all of those things. Tonight was the start of VBS for our church that I was children's leader for. I hadn't seen so many of the people since I had left. I cannot tell you the great pleasure when I walked out and the kids all began running to me for hugs and say "Miss C! Miss C!! It was priceless!!
I was just suppose to be helping out with registration but it turned out to be very confusing, not ready and you know, how the first night usually goes but worse. I felt ownership because I had picked this VBS but I was no longer in charge of it. However, each time you go through stuff you learn for the next year and that is what our director did. The decor. was amazing and once we finally got everyone where they needed to go it was wonderful. I felt like people were genuinely happy to see me and seemed to have really missed me. That is always a good feeling.
Oh! I also got to have a sleepover at a hotel with 3 of my other close friends. We have been planning it for 5 years. lol Actually, that is when we first started talking about it but you know, time, business and all. It was HEAVENLY!! Getting away and talking for hours on end, sharing our hearts and also just being goofy. We got to eat out, plan school, talk about sooo much with everyone, paint, soak in hot tub! Glorious! I got a full 24 hours off. Not to mention that my dear hubby was at home on Sat. with the kids cleaning out the garage. It just doesn't get better than that! :)
After I got home another friend called and was free and wanted me to go with her. I hadn't had much sleep but my hubby thought I should go since I hadn't seen her in a while. Is that not the sweetest? After I just got back and he was encouraging me to go again? He and the kids were into the star wars trilogy so I was good to go.
It was so fun catching up with her as well.
I tell ya, I definitely have some sweet friends on here that live in Texas that I would love to meet and catch up with some day And some in Ks!
Hope you guys have a refreshing week as I had over the weekend. I can't believe how much that encouraged and energized me!
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